Jerry, you need to find god
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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