my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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