we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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