May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
