someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
