Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
