he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
