the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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