This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
