Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
