i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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