Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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