Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
