It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
