I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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