i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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