then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
