awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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