i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
