I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
