the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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