i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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