and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
