Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
