my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
