My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Im part way to drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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