I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
