Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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