I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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