hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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