his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
