you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
