I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
