one two three fourrrrnication!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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