I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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