I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
