I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
