if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
