dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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