Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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