I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
