Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
