margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
