Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I looked at my own cervix.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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