On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
