what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dignity is for republicans.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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