sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
