Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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