Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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