I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
